"BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR"

           

                                            THE FEAR OF SUCCESS

WHEN YOU FIRST BECAME A WRITER DID YOU HAVE DREAMS OF BEING SUCCESSFUL AND SAID, “ONE DAY I WANT TO BE ON THE BEST SELLERS LIST!” I DID AND WANTED EVERYTHING THAT CAME ALONG WITH IT.

UNTIL I ACTUALLY THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT I WAS SAYING. BEING AN INTROVERTED PERSON THE FEAR OF BEING UP FRONT AND IN FULL VIEW OF THE PUBLIC'S EYE SCARED ME. I CAN ADMIT THAT. IT FRIGHTENED ME TO THE POINT THAT I WANTED TO STOP WRITING. BECAUSE OF THE FEAR OF SPEAKING IN FRONT OF CROWDS, ANSWERING QUESTIONS AND SIMPLY FORCING MYSELF TO DO SOMETHING THAT DIDN’T COME NATURAL FOR ME.

EVERY WRITER I SUSPECT AT ONE POINT IN THEIR CAREER HAD THESE SAME FEARS, FEAR OF SUCCESS FEAR OF FAILURE. IT HAS A NAME FOLKS, IT’S CALLED ACHIEVEMEPHOBIA, ITS AN UNCONSCIOUS PHOBIA: OFTEN AN INDIVIDUAL ISN’T EVEN AWARE THEY HAVE IT. LIKE ME AND AM A SUFFERER OF THIS CONDITION. THE ANXIETY ATTACKS THAT CAME OVER ME AT THE THOUGHT OF STANDING BEFORE A CROWD OR PUBLIC SPEAKING WERE A DIRECT SYMPTOM OF THIS VERY REAL CONDITION. I DISCOVERED THIS FACT WHEN MY FIRST BOOK WAS PUBLISHED. 

I SECOND GUESSED MY WORK AND THOUGHT IT WASN’T GOOD ENOUGH. I CONVINCED MYSELF PEOPLE WOULD HATE IT AND THAT I SHOULD JUST SCRAP THE ENTIRE IDEA OF WRITING ALL TOGETHER. I FELT AS THOUGH I COULDN’T LIVE UP TO MY OWN EXPECTATIONS AND THOSE WHO READ MY BOOKS EITHER. 

I HAD PLACED MYSELF ON SELF DESTRUCT MODE. SERIOUSLY, I BELIEVED THAT I WAS LOOSING MY MIND BECAUSE WHAT SANE PERSON WOULD TRY TO SABOTAGE THEIR OWN CAREER.

CHILDHOOD WAS SOMETIMES TURBULENT AND CONFUSING. I REALIZED THAT THERE WAS SOMETHING DIFFERENT ABOUT ME. INSTEAD OF INTERACTING WITH CHILDREN MY OWN AGE, I FELT MORE COMFORTABLE RESIDING INSIDE MY OWN PRIVATE SPACE. IN THIS PROTECTIVE BUBBLE, I WASN’T SUBJECTED TO NAME CALLING SUCH AS WEIRD AND NERD. I ALREADY KNEW I WAS DIFFERENT AND SO ACCEPTED THIS FACT.

I RECALL A TIME, THINK I WAS MAYBE IN THE FIFTH OR SIXTH GRADE. WE ALL HAD A SCIENCE PROJECT AND SINCE I HAD A FASCINATION WITH WEATHER, PARTICULARLY STORMS BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID OF THEM, AND SO THIS BECAME THE LOGICAL CHOICE.

I STOOD BEFORE THE CLASS AND PRESENTED THE CASE AND POINT IN VERY VIVID DETAIL. I RESEARCHED MY MATERIAL BY WATCHING THE NEWS EVERY NIGHT SPECIFICALLY THE WEATHER MAN AS HE GAVE THE DAYS FORECAST. I HELD THE CLASS SPELLBOUND, INCLUDING THE TEACHER WHO PRAISED MY ACCOMPLISHMENT AND RECEIVED AN A FOR EFFORT. OF COURSE THERE IS ALWAYS THAT ONE PERSON WHO NEVER AND DIDN’T AGREE WITH MY PERFORMANCE. THEREFORE JUST AS I’D BEEN ADMIRED PUBLICLY, THUS RIDICULED EQUALLY BY A CLASSMATE. WHO HADN’T DONE AS WELL AND CHOSE TO BRING ME DOWN TO THEIR LEVEL OF DISAPPOINTMENT. 

THIS PERSON’S EXACT WORDS WERE “YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE SO DAMN SMART!” MOREOVER, DESIRED TO PROVE JUST HOW MUCH SHE DETESTED MY INTELLIGENCE BY CHALLENGING ME TO A BATTLE OF FISTICUFFS AFTER SCHOOL. HOWEVER, THE WAR NEVER ENSUED AS I CAN ONLY ASSUME THE TEACHER OR SOMEONE ELSE CAME TO MY RESCUE UNBEKNOWNST TO ME. SO YOU CAN UNDERSTAND NOW AND KNOW WHY I FEARED SUCCESS, BECAUSE OF THE RIDICULE AND NAME SHAMING THAT FOLLOWED.  

 IT WASN’T UNTIL A FEW YEARS AGO THAT I DISCOVERED THAT MAYBE I WASN’T SO PECULIAR AFTER ALL. I FOUND THERE WERE PEOPLE WHO WERE JUST LIKE ME. THIS IS WHY I WANTED TO WRITE ABOUT IT.

MY BELIEF IN PRAYER AND MYSELF IS WHAT HELPED ME WITH THIS POLARIZING CONDITION. I LOVE WRITING AND I WANTED TO SHARE MY STORIES WITH THE WORLD. SO THIS MEANT I HAD TO OVERCOME THOSE FEARS AND RETRAIN MY THOUGHT PROCESS. THIS INVOLVED TRUSTING IN MY ABILITIES AND STOP ALLOWING FEAR, DOUBT, AND OTHER PEOPLES OPINIONS TO STAND IN MY WAY.

I AM NOT AN EXPERT ON THE SUBJECT SO TO GET AN OVERVIEW OF THE FEAR OF SUCCESS, AND HOW TO DEAL WITH IT, I CONSULTED GOOGLE. 

PSYCHOLOGY TODAY HAS POSTED THESE HELPFUL TIPS FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE STILL DEALING WITH THIS CONDITION THESE ARE WAYS TO HELP YOU IDENTIFY AND GET PAST IT BY USING THESE EXERCISES:

1.      RECALL AN EVENT WHERE YOU WERE SUCCESSFUL OR EXCITED WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER, AND NOTICE WHAT YOU ARE FEELING AND SENSING IN YOUR MEMORY. THEY SUGGEST STAY WITH THE SENSATION FOR FIVE MINUTES.

2.      RECALL AN EVENT WHERE YOU WERE SUCCESSFUL AND EXCITED RECENTLY IN YOUR LIFE, AND NOTICE WHAT YOU ARE FEELING AND SENSING.

3.      NOW TAP INTO THE SENSATION OF A MEMORY OF AN OVERWHELMING SITUATION. THEY SUGGEST NOT SOMETHING TRAUMATIC, BUT MODERATELY DISTURBING.

4.      NOW GO BACK TO VISUALIZING YOUR SUCCESS STORY. DO YOU NOTICE A DIFFERENCE? AND IF YOU SO WHAT ARE THEY. YOU CAN JOT THEM DOWN SO WE CAN DISCUSS IT LATER.

I HOPE THIS HELPS SOMEONE, IF NOT THERE’S MORE ADVICE FROM TINY BUDDHA.

1.      BE POSITIVE. NOW I LIKE THIS ONE ALREADY AND AGREE BECAUSE POSITIVE THINKING IS THE KEY TO CONQUER ALL DOUBTS, FEARS AND WHATEVER AILS YOU.

2.      CONTINUALLY REMIND YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE PART OF SOMETHING LARGER THAN YOU.

OH I LOVE THIS ONE TOO, BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO REALIZE GOD HAS A PURPOSE FOR EVERY LIFE AND AS LONG AS WE KEEP HIM FIRST ALL OTHER THINGS WILL COME TO PASS.

3.      TAKE TIME TO FIND YOUR AUTHENTICITY. I THINK WHAT THEY MEAN HERE IS PUTTING YOUR LIFE INTO PERSPECTIVE. DEFINING YOUR PURPOSE AND ALL THAT ENTAILS.

4.      CREATE YOUR SUCCESS LIBRARY. THEY SUGGEST CREATING A LIBRARY OF QUOTES, SAVE ARTICLES AND SUCCESS STORIES THAT HAVE INSPIRED YOU SUCH AS INSPIRING MOVIES, VIDEOS, OR AN ALBUM OF YOUR FUN AND HAPPY MEMORIES. TURN TO THIS LIBRARY WHENEVER YOU HAVE SELF DOUBTS.

5.      LEARN; YOU MUST EDUCATE YOURSELF AS I’VE SAID MANY TIMES BEFORE. LEARN YOUR CRAFT BY READING, AND LETTING OTHERS READ YOUR WORK AS YOU WRITE. THEIR INSIGHT CAN BE VERY HELPFUL AND STRENGTHEN YOU IN AREAS WHERE YOU’RE WEAK.

6.      LIVE IN BALANCE. YOU HAVE TO BALANCE CAREER AND PRIVATE LIFE ACCORDINGLY. NEITHER SHOULD OUTWEIGH THE OTHER.

THE FINAL ANALYSIS IS THE FEAR OF SUCCESS IS REAL BUT YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE IMMOBILIZED BY THE CONDITION. ALL THINGS CAN BE OVERCOME IF FIRST YOU RECOGNIZE THERE IS A PROBLEM, ACCEPT THE CONDITION, AND THEN MOVE FORWARD WITH THE TREATMENT. FEAR OF ANYTHING IS A HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE. 

WE ALL SUFFER WITH IT IN MANY WAYS, NOT JUST RELATED TO SUCCESS. BUT WHATEVER YOUR PHOBIA HAPPENS TO BE, NEVER ALLOW IT TO GET THE BEST OF YOU. 

LEARN TO DEAL WITH WHAT IS KEEPING YOU ANCHORED AND UNABLE TO GROW.

ACCEPTANCE IS THE FIRST STEP IN HELPING YOU MOVE FORWARD. ONCE YOU HAVE IDENTIFIED THAT A PROBLEM EXIST, THEN TAKE THE NECESSARY MEASURES FOR THE CURE. NOW I KNOW THIS IS EASILY SAID THEN DONE, BUT I WAS ALSO A FELLOW SUFFERER AND STILL SOMETIMES TRY TO REVERT TO MY OLD HABITS. 

UNDERSTAND BEING SUCCESSFUL ISN’T THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF WHAT I DO AS A WRITER. BUT IT IS A GOAL BECAUSE EVERY PERSON WHO HAS SET A PATH FOR THEIR CAREER, SUCCESS IS A VERY VIABLE PART OF IT. 

I WANT EVERYONE TO ACCOMPLISH THEIR GOALS TO BE SUCCESSFUL IN WHATEVER YOU DO. I WANT TO INSPIRE, UPLIFT AND PROMOTE YOU IN ANY WAY POSSIBLE. THIS IS WHY I DO A WEEKLY SHOW AND PRAY THAT IN SOME SMALL OR GREAT WAY, I AM HELPING THOSE WHO ARE LISTENING. 

REMEMBER YOU CAN CONQUER FEAR AND ANYTHING IF YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE EVERYTHING THAT GOD SAID  YOU ARE.